Paradox

How do you give up what you do not have? How do you possess what is not yours to possess? How do you say that which is not for you to say?
It seems odd that we should lose ourselves in seemingly trivial matters of the heart; it is a tragedy that we should think it so.
To lose once is painful; it numbs you to the core in a way that no other harm can prick you as painfully. One becomes desensitised, almost. Just something to think about - I suppose it highlights the necessity of pain and suffering, which by themselves we could easily do happily without! The two somehow mitigate their own existences by cancelling out each other's disadvantages in our flawed world. It's basic common sense and I can't believe I'm actually writing this as though it's a special revelation to me - being knifed will cause pain and suffering - that pain will prevent you from future harm (unless you have anterograde amnesia) by avoiding dangerous situations in future. Simple adaptation.

Revision is painful. So is printing innumerable slides. Anatomy. Endocrinology. Embryology. Pharmacology. Toxicology. Neurology/Neuroanatomy. Oncology. Haematology. Cellular Biology. Rheumatology. Orthopaedics. Obstetrics and Gynaecology. Basic paediatrics. Epidemiology. Public Health. The list is nearly endless. A great advertisement for prospective medical students. Time to shut up and get back to it. After all, it's the means to an end - to (supposedly/hopefully) 'heal.' Oh, I'm such a naively conceited and cynically self-inflated 'idealist' that I scorn my own self-derision. Stupidity is a threshold I'd like not to cross, but if needs be I'll borrow a few candles from there to light the way for others...

Contemplative silence - to lose oneself in an ethereal mix of confusion and delusion.

What of perfection? To grasp that which we cannot obtain is a mere reflection of our own imperfection. Ouch. That really stings. Especially when we reach for the less-than-perfect and can't even hold it for a mere second without getting our own even-more-less-than-less-than-perfect burned and scarred. Oh woe, woe, woe. Whoa - woe.