After a prolonged absence, I write again.
Yesterday was the Imperial College University Challenge selection finals. I placed 5th (after a heated final play-off), making me the team reserve. Not bad, I suppose, but I shall return next year provided I don't ever appear on live TV. A rather good experience, mind you - I don't remember any of the questions, but my answers of 'onions' and 'pillboxes' will remain buried in my mind forever. (The correct answers were definitely-not-onions and allotments).
A PBL (Problem Based Learning) exam is scheduled for Friday, after which I shall view 'The Passion of the Christ' by Mel Gibson.
Saturday will find me flying off to Switzerland until next Wednesday, the day after which I return to Singapore. Hurrah - time for...revision. The Swiss trip should be a welcome break, though.
This post has been rather mundane - there's no life in these fingers at the moment. They feel claudicated. Or perhaps it's the brain that can't bring itself to spew forth some philosophically-incorrect annoying political invective. Regardless, we plod on. To tomorrow, a day that's always hanging over you but never seems to come.
JH
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Thursday, March 11, 2004
I fear, you fear, he fears...
So much for trying not to write about my self-obsessive personality...I'll try to rant some other time. For now, we carry on with my infinitely verbose ponderings on the meaning of life...
Today's little sermon on FEAR. Hurrah - I feel like such a 'wannabe'...
I fear I've just realised what drives many people. Amongst other things, I'd say the prime motivating force is fear - the fear of regret. Sure, we may run the rat race (envy, fear of being left behind, greed etc.) and some high-minded individuals may climb to the top of the pyramid and declaim that their success is the result of deriving satisfaction from a job well done. Such is the folly of liberal opinion. We may aim to achieve greatness because we either have something/someone for which/whom we labour, but that too derives from the fear of failure - of causing dissapointment and losing trust. Perhaps we toil to gain recognition in the eyes of our peers; this too is the byproduct of a desire not to be 'just one of them.'
So much for the nobility, courage, valour and fraternity of the human spirit, you say? Not quite - thesauri list several such glorious adjectives as the antonyms of fear, but I wish to expand and tweak that just a little. Fear has a good side. Like pain, it drives us from doing something we know instinctively to be 'wrong,' unworthy, or at least undesirable. The fear of doing evil. Likewise: the fear of failure lights that burning spark that turns into a blaze of effort in 'going for broke.' When all is said and done, I hope to be judged by what I do, than by what I don't do. Inspiring fear never quenched the human desire to try, because the price of failure is eternal fear of being vanquished by that which we cannot overcome. In short, I fear we must prevail. To fear no longer is to achieve.
Today's little sermon on FEAR. Hurrah - I feel like such a 'wannabe'...
I fear I've just realised what drives many people. Amongst other things, I'd say the prime motivating force is fear - the fear of regret. Sure, we may run the rat race (envy, fear of being left behind, greed etc.) and some high-minded individuals may climb to the top of the pyramid and declaim that their success is the result of deriving satisfaction from a job well done. Such is the folly of liberal opinion. We may aim to achieve greatness because we either have something/someone for which/whom we labour, but that too derives from the fear of failure - of causing dissapointment and losing trust. Perhaps we toil to gain recognition in the eyes of our peers; this too is the byproduct of a desire not to be 'just one of them.'
So much for the nobility, courage, valour and fraternity of the human spirit, you say? Not quite - thesauri list several such glorious adjectives as the antonyms of fear, but I wish to expand and tweak that just a little. Fear has a good side. Like pain, it drives us from doing something we know instinctively to be 'wrong,' unworthy, or at least undesirable. The fear of doing evil. Likewise: the fear of failure lights that burning spark that turns into a blaze of effort in 'going for broke.' When all is said and done, I hope to be judged by what I do, than by what I don't do. Inspiring fear never quenched the human desire to try, because the price of failure is eternal fear of being vanquished by that which we cannot overcome. In short, I fear we must prevail. To fear no longer is to achieve.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis
Days pass quickly now. It feels like barely a week ago that darkness still descended a tad too early for my liking, but now the sky holds light much longer. The whirlwind of time seems to rush by around us, whether we move from square one or not.
I've lately been wondering about my own competence. More specifically, questioning whether I've been 'losing sight' of the big picture. 'Mental incontinence,' I call it - when I actually spend time wondering about my own wonderings and whether the balance sheet hasn't been trampled by my wandering thoughts. In fact, I often reach a level (e.g. now) when the stream of mental diarrhoea becomes completely incoherent to a sane person, who would probably label me a 'poncy git.'
What might have triggered such intense soul-searching?
As with all things, let's revisit the basics. Hobbits. Sentimentalism. A borrowed CD of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Ahhhh...the pieces of the puzzle suddenly seem to materialise. Specifically, "Track 17: The breaking of the fellowship (In Dreams)" with that really hauntingly beautiful ending sung by Edward Ross.
When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there,
I will go there
And back again
The lyrics might not make any sense to you, but at this present time they are a balm to my completely scrunched up mental state. Unfortunately, this analgesic seems to inflame my thoughts even more...
My next post shall be decidedly less self-expository. Perhaps a good old gripe about something will make for a welcome change...
I've lately been wondering about my own competence. More specifically, questioning whether I've been 'losing sight' of the big picture. 'Mental incontinence,' I call it - when I actually spend time wondering about my own wonderings and whether the balance sheet hasn't been trampled by my wandering thoughts. In fact, I often reach a level (e.g. now) when the stream of mental diarrhoea becomes completely incoherent to a sane person, who would probably label me a 'poncy git.'
What might have triggered such intense soul-searching?
As with all things, let's revisit the basics. Hobbits. Sentimentalism. A borrowed CD of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Ahhhh...the pieces of the puzzle suddenly seem to materialise. Specifically, "Track 17: The breaking of the fellowship (In Dreams)" with that really hauntingly beautiful ending sung by Edward Ross.
When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain
But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again
When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there,
I will go there
And back again
The lyrics might not make any sense to you, but at this present time they are a balm to my completely scrunched up mental state. Unfortunately, this analgesic seems to inflame my thoughts even more...
My next post shall be decidedly less self-expository. Perhaps a good old gripe about something will make for a welcome change...
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