Saturday Lamentation

I canter between the posts of buoyant optimism and bleak pessimism at the whim of the wind. It's awful to be pinballed like that, knowing that just as you reach the next marker all you have to look forward to is the fleeting sensation of something you'll forget before you could even wonder what had just happened.

Over the years I have come to realise something terrible. It has turned life into one long, sick, disgusting parody of a prisoner's worst nightmare.

I call it the 'downhill slide.' Each moment is the best moment of the rest of your life. Every passing second is better than the one following it because life is simply a downhill slide into oblivion and impending doom. As each day gets worse and worse, the realisation that each passing moment is better than the one following it becomes stronger and stronger. Nevertheless, a person's outlook on life can follow different patterns. Either:

You dread the next day, knowing that whatever the future holds, it can only get worse.
OR...
Paradoxically, you live each moment gleefully acknowledging that it is the best you're ever going to have.

Perhaps it doesn't make much difference because either way, each night one silently prays to have a really massive subarachnoid haemorrhage and not have to wake up the next morning.

Carpe diem, etc. You begin to die the second you're born, etc. D'oh. Whichever way you picture it, I think it's a cruel joke that a human being has to plumb the depths of despair to find some reason to make the most of each passing second of this moribund existence to which we're sentenced.

A good shot of diazepam would be very welcome right now.