Hear the cold calls catching the wind, grasping at the nothingness that surrounds it. I'm feeling tired of wishing for a new day to begin; every morning drags the night from its bed and scalds the sunrise with a damp dew that doesn't really smell very nice.
Layouts change and people dither, waiting for a lift that might take them higher; to go up you've got to be at the bottom and it just can't get lower than this.
That lovely word - subarachnoid - or what about 'meninges'...they start to lose their meaning as they swirl around in the mind of a confused medical student who can't seem to decide whether he's actually enjoying the 'high' of drowning in the deep end (he's yet to touch the bottom of the pool) or if that same 'high' is the pre-syncopal warning sign that's actually screaming 'last call - last call - the gate is closing'...
Life is like an electrocardiogram. I never thought in any of my fits of fancy that I'd end up writing this, but here goes. P-wave: that first little bump that tells you something's wrong. QRS-complex: the hundred daggers plunging into your back as you writhe in a puddle. T-wave: cadaveric spasm, rigor mortis. Let's not get into the arrhythmias...
Friday, October 07, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
We will not go quietly into the night...
O thou who changest not - grant to him a measure of the grace thou hast given unto me.
I'm beginning to wonder whether self-inflicted stress is worse than exogenous pressure. Either way, one copes.
Two things I've learned so far - nobody knows everything about anything and 58 years old is 'young.'
I'm beginning to wonder whether self-inflicted stress is worse than exogenous pressure. Either way, one copes.
Two things I've learned so far - nobody knows everything about anything and 58 years old is 'young.'
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
AVPU nil
So it begins again. The dance that flings us into the good old rhythm of crash & burn. Hurrah for timing. Hurrah for firms. Hurrah for medicine in all its cannulated gory glory. Sound the bleeps. Man the gurneys. Neat.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Guilty, m'lord!
Your honour, my client, the little translucent crab scurried nervously across the beach, oblivious to the heavy tread of footsteps pounding on the sand. I have shown, ladies and gentlemen of the jury that the giant black sandal came squelching down nearby, injuring one delicate leg. Ducking for safety, the crab headed for the waves...until the massive wooden stick came crashing down across its back...prodding it into the waves, flicking and tumbling the little crustacean into the surf. Honourable members of the jury - I beg you to restore some of the wounded pride of this poor animal; insufficient was the hurt caused by the initial assault - the giant stick continued to pry at Mr Crab, forcing him in his injured state into the breaking waves. We do not ask for pity. The grace of the court is not our objective. Indeed, no verdict you return can remove the insult from the injuries that have already been grievously sustained but I beseech you, ladies and gentlemen - restore some small measure of honour and dignity to your fellow crab!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Te..Dium
Horrid. I think Singapore must be one of the few places on earth where's you'll find it faster to walk up/down stairs than use the escalators. These chaps just don't know how to move. No, hot weather doesn't dull the brain - not when you've got sub-zero air-conditioning blasting throughout the underground passageways that quadruple-buttocked people love to block with their wide loads as they stroll along with triple prams at a pace that could barely outrun a chimpanzee in a wheelchair with its brakes locked.
Talk about crowd...the Comex 2005 was quite something...but, as Sartre said - 'Hell is other people'...
Talk about crowd...the Comex 2005 was quite something...but, as Sartre said - 'Hell is other people'...
Friday, September 02, 2005
Sick, Sick, Sick.
This guy is utterly sick in the head.
An extremist's view of Hurricane Katrina.
Once again, it isn't about whether America's wanton environmental destruction has brought this disaster on the Gulf Coast states; help a nation in need and it will not forget. Like it or not, the Yanks genuinely try to do 'the right thing' (no, I don't like buying into the right-wing media spin, but here goes anyway)... Senor Bush's incompetence at disaster management is proved once again but look here, people - despite the chaotic scenes in Louisiana Americans have mobilised $100 million already. The Aussies and Swiss have given their share; the Japanese have poured in half a million. You see, people, the Yanks don't NEED your money. They have more than enough of their own, but (and I know cliches suck, but never mind) IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! When your back yard or street is utterly destroyed and you're standing on a rooftop begging the rest of the world for help, I won't hold it against the Americans if their memories are longer than yours and they (finally) choose to sit back, shut up and put their wallets away. C'mon, people...do unto others...
No, these guys aren't angels but it's wrong to demonise them because of some political squabbles. It's called 'petty jealousy'. There are plenty of idiots, morons and imbeciles in America (read: G.W.Bush) but, like anywhere else, there are plenty of good people and they deserve some compassion. More than most countries private individuals there are the first to make charitable cash donations and I'd be utterly ashamed if they continued to do so regardless of whether others helped them if we didn't lift a finger at all.
Man, I'm such a nutcase. A virus got into my brain and my cranial interior is now a glazed doughnut (no, Lorenzo, it's scone as in 'gone' not scone as in 'own,'). I think I'll go commit myself right now...
An extremist's view of Hurricane Katrina.
Once again, it isn't about whether America's wanton environmental destruction has brought this disaster on the Gulf Coast states; help a nation in need and it will not forget. Like it or not, the Yanks genuinely try to do 'the right thing' (no, I don't like buying into the right-wing media spin, but here goes anyway)... Senor Bush's incompetence at disaster management is proved once again but look here, people - despite the chaotic scenes in Louisiana Americans have mobilised $100 million already. The Aussies and Swiss have given their share; the Japanese have poured in half a million. You see, people, the Yanks don't NEED your money. They have more than enough of their own, but (and I know cliches suck, but never mind) IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS! When your back yard or street is utterly destroyed and you're standing on a rooftop begging the rest of the world for help, I won't hold it against the Americans if their memories are longer than yours and they (finally) choose to sit back, shut up and put their wallets away. C'mon, people...do unto others...
No, these guys aren't angels but it's wrong to demonise them because of some political squabbles. It's called 'petty jealousy'. There are plenty of idiots, morons and imbeciles in America (read: G.W.Bush) but, like anywhere else, there are plenty of good people and they deserve some compassion. More than most countries private individuals there are the first to make charitable cash donations and I'd be utterly ashamed if they continued to do so regardless of whether others helped them if we didn't lift a finger at all.
Man, I'm such a nutcase. A virus got into my brain and my cranial interior is now a glazed doughnut (no, Lorenzo, it's scone as in 'gone' not scone as in 'own,'). I think I'll go commit myself right now...
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Hurricane Katrina
My sincere and heartfelt condolences to all those affected by this natural disaster. A pity they gave it such a nice name.
Just a short message of support to those Americans out there...oh yes - I sometimes think of myself as a realist, but let's put that to rest for a moment. These people deserve some respect and hope.
I hope all the Americans out there know that we're with them all the way on this one. People might not agree with the war in Iraq or other US actions but, truth be told the USA deserves the solid support of everybody else when innocent lives are lost. Americans were generous with their time, support and money when the tsunami struck Asia and it's high time a like measure of solidarity was returned to the USA. So, America, know that you are not alone!
I haven't heard many condolences from 'world leaders' (okay, the Queen sent a 'message of shock') but it seems most people care more about the effects on the price of gas than the suffering people of the South-East USA. (S.E.Asia, S.E.USA - what's the difference - besides money - they're people, we're people and you don't refuse a helping hand when your fellow man is down and out).
Many people assume that the world's richest nation can fend for itself but what goes around comes around and you reap what you sow - we should never forget that it is the poor in any country who suffer most from such terrible tragedies - lives are wrecked and families ruined. Just because it's happened to a mighty country doesn't mean a helping hand can't be offered; I truly hope you manage to pull through this one and wish that the rest of the world would sit up for just a moment and wish you good luck and lend a helping hand. Oh yes - don't be too proud to accept it, for a simple token of goodwill and friendship does not merely repay the kindness Americans have offered to others in the past - instead, it says 'brother, when you're in trouble, don't despair, I'll be there, so lean on me.'
JH
Just a short message of support to those Americans out there...oh yes - I sometimes think of myself as a realist, but let's put that to rest for a moment. These people deserve some respect and hope.
I hope all the Americans out there know that we're with them all the way on this one. People might not agree with the war in Iraq or other US actions but, truth be told the USA deserves the solid support of everybody else when innocent lives are lost. Americans were generous with their time, support and money when the tsunami struck Asia and it's high time a like measure of solidarity was returned to the USA. So, America, know that you are not alone!
I haven't heard many condolences from 'world leaders' (okay, the Queen sent a 'message of shock') but it seems most people care more about the effects on the price of gas than the suffering people of the South-East USA. (S.E.Asia, S.E.USA - what's the difference - besides money - they're people, we're people and you don't refuse a helping hand when your fellow man is down and out).
Many people assume that the world's richest nation can fend for itself but what goes around comes around and you reap what you sow - we should never forget that it is the poor in any country who suffer most from such terrible tragedies - lives are wrecked and families ruined. Just because it's happened to a mighty country doesn't mean a helping hand can't be offered; I truly hope you manage to pull through this one and wish that the rest of the world would sit up for just a moment and wish you good luck and lend a helping hand. Oh yes - don't be too proud to accept it, for a simple token of goodwill and friendship does not merely repay the kindness Americans have offered to others in the past - instead, it says 'brother, when you're in trouble, don't despair, I'll be there, so lean on me.'
JH
Monday, August 29, 2005
Time to kowtow
Bamber Gascoigne's 'A Brief History of the Dynasties of China' was a good read. Especially in the light of EU vs China trade 'negotiations'...you see, people - it's a dog-eat-dog world out there and 'fair is foul and foul is fair'...so I suppose payback's a rather bitter pill to swallow. The world didn't lift a finger when the Summer Palace was pillaged; as long as Qing dynasty bronze sculptures keep coming up for auction I'm pretty sure we'll just see more of the same. Yes, yes - forgive and forget - let the sins of the past not be visited on those who dwell in the present; but that's not quite the same when you look at the Chinese time frame. EU central bankers think in terms of fiscal quarters; Chinese emperors plan for the next century...so let's do the right thing and allow the engine of laissez-faire economics to hum along nicely.
Heartfelt sympathies to the suffering people of New Orleans...brace yourself for Hurricane Katrina, folks...that looks like one hell of a storm.
Heartfelt sympathies to the suffering people of New Orleans...brace yourself for Hurricane Katrina, folks...that looks like one hell of a storm.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Saturday, August 20, 2005
20th August
On the 20th August...
1908
Following a scandal involving the use of slave labour to amass a personal fortune, Belgian King Leopold II is forced to hand over the running of the Congo Free State (Zaire) to the Belgian Government.
1914
World War I: German troops occupy the Belgian capital, Brussels
1940
World War II: British Prime Minister Winston Churchill rallies the nation with a contratulatory speech for the RAF winning the Battle of Britain. 'Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few'.
1989
In London, the pleasure cruiser Marchioness is hit by a dredger, the Bowbelle, on the River Thames - 51 people attending a party on the boat are killed.
1998
229 people are killed when a Swissair plane crashes into the Atlantic near the coast of Nova Scotia en route from New York to Geneva.
2005
I'm twenty, on the twentieth. Hurrah.
1908
Following a scandal involving the use of slave labour to amass a personal fortune, Belgian King Leopold II is forced to hand over the running of the Congo Free State (Zaire) to the Belgian Government.
1914
World War I: German troops occupy the Belgian capital, Brussels
1940
World War II: British Prime Minister Winston Churchill rallies the nation with a contratulatory speech for the RAF winning the Battle of Britain. 'Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few'.
1989
In London, the pleasure cruiser Marchioness is hit by a dredger, the Bowbelle, on the River Thames - 51 people attending a party on the boat are killed.
1998
229 people are killed when a Swissair plane crashes into the Atlantic near the coast of Nova Scotia en route from New York to Geneva.
2005
I'm twenty, on the twentieth. Hurrah.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Bhindi Indie
I know what I see; shapeless shadows on the wall
I know what I hear; empty echoes in the hall
Bring them closer, draw them nearer
Ask them to stay, beg for another day
To see them again, to forget the pain.
JH
I know what I hear; empty echoes in the hall
Bring them closer, draw them nearer
Ask them to stay, beg for another day
To see them again, to forget the pain.
JH
Friday, August 12, 2005
Drinking too much Chai gets you a little high.
Okay, long post. Read the third paragraph/section.
As a child I used to take the bus home from primary school; I'd have to cross Holland Avenue each sweltering afternoon to the same ticking noise that would mechanically (now electronically) count down the seconds for the traffic light timer. Tick. Tick. Tick. As the green man signal light began to flash the ticks would begin to speed up, before blurring into a whir and a final trrrrrrrrrtick as the red man took his place on the signal light. I used to think/pretend/deceive myself (for what reason I still don't know) that the strange ticking metallic box next to the traffic light was a bomb - a great incendiary device that would blow if I didn't cross the road before the final whirring signalled the appearance of Mr Red. So I'd scamper across the road with my backpack (which later became a roller-wheel-bag after the odd briefcase/satchel phase before finally returning to the sensible school backpack), fearful lest I should incur the wrath of the ticking timebomb across the road.
That old, irrational childhood fear seems to have been replaced by the current sense of blase defiance/incomprehensible internal paranoia that rumbles through my mind whenever a new act of terrorism is perpetrated against humanity. Strange, that. Old habits die hard.
It was after a good dinner that I sat down to coffee with a few medic chums and, despite the jovial banter I now feel a little uncomfortable with what I observed about myself...and how I seem to fit in with the world around. Well, a little introspection never did anybody much harm...I guess. We're meant to live in a 'meritocratic' 'classless' 'tolerant' society that pays no heed to divisions of race, creed or language; bollocks to that. I'm proud (yeah, pride is such a pain) to say that I'd be the last cynic to give in when everything falls to pieces; I wouldn't spare a second thought about sending in the water cannons and riot police. It's such a harsh and bitter 'every hamster for himself' world out there...and yet - we seem to tread such a fine line between the politically correct (repressed?!) version of rose-tinted bunnyland and the fiery chasm that we know really exists. We (and by we I mean I) put on the blinkers and plant our feet across the gap, pretending and shielding ourselves with the argument that our education and 'englightenment' (I hate hate hate that word) has taught us the fundamental principles of fairness and equality. So we use that as a pathetic excuse to hide behind our rood screens of privilege while we prop up - knowingly and unknowingly - the system that we loathe as it crushes those beneath, supports those above and keeps us safe and dry in the middle as we build our own ladders to the penthouse upstairs.
Verily I say unto thee that it's a pitiful tragedy, because this shameful duality is just a load of tosh. I said earlier that I'd be the last to burn the citadel that shelters me and gives me the platform for this self-righteous and not very coherent ranting proclamation. It's an awful shame because deep down we have that something buried inside that says this is all a big rotten lie and it isn't that we choose not to listen to this still and silent voice, but rather, we put the earplugs in and turn the iPods on full blast. So we bitch and moan about the haves and have-nots but at the end of the day I think it's just an excuse to keep the blinkers on, because we'd much rather not see the misery which we know exists around us when it's so much easier to order another cup of Chai.
As a child I used to take the bus home from primary school; I'd have to cross Holland Avenue each sweltering afternoon to the same ticking noise that would mechanically (now electronically) count down the seconds for the traffic light timer. Tick. Tick. Tick. As the green man signal light began to flash the ticks would begin to speed up, before blurring into a whir and a final trrrrrrrrrtick as the red man took his place on the signal light. I used to think/pretend/deceive myself (for what reason I still don't know) that the strange ticking metallic box next to the traffic light was a bomb - a great incendiary device that would blow if I didn't cross the road before the final whirring signalled the appearance of Mr Red. So I'd scamper across the road with my backpack (which later became a roller-wheel-bag after the odd briefcase/satchel phase before finally returning to the sensible school backpack), fearful lest I should incur the wrath of the ticking timebomb across the road.
That old, irrational childhood fear seems to have been replaced by the current sense of blase defiance/incomprehensible internal paranoia that rumbles through my mind whenever a new act of terrorism is perpetrated against humanity. Strange, that. Old habits die hard.
It was after a good dinner that I sat down to coffee with a few medic chums and, despite the jovial banter I now feel a little uncomfortable with what I observed about myself...and how I seem to fit in with the world around. Well, a little introspection never did anybody much harm...I guess. We're meant to live in a 'meritocratic' 'classless' 'tolerant' society that pays no heed to divisions of race, creed or language; bollocks to that. I'm proud (yeah, pride is such a pain) to say that I'd be the last cynic to give in when everything falls to pieces; I wouldn't spare a second thought about sending in the water cannons and riot police. It's such a harsh and bitter 'every hamster for himself' world out there...and yet - we seem to tread such a fine line between the politically correct (repressed?!) version of rose-tinted bunnyland and the fiery chasm that we know really exists. We (and by we I mean I) put on the blinkers and plant our feet across the gap, pretending and shielding ourselves with the argument that our education and 'englightenment' (I hate hate hate that word) has taught us the fundamental principles of fairness and equality. So we use that as a pathetic excuse to hide behind our rood screens of privilege while we prop up - knowingly and unknowingly - the system that we loathe as it crushes those beneath, supports those above and keeps us safe and dry in the middle as we build our own ladders to the penthouse upstairs.
Verily I say unto thee that it's a pitiful tragedy, because this shameful duality is just a load of tosh. I said earlier that I'd be the last to burn the citadel that shelters me and gives me the platform for this self-righteous and not very coherent ranting proclamation. It's an awful shame because deep down we have that something buried inside that says this is all a big rotten lie and it isn't that we choose not to listen to this still and silent voice, but rather, we put the earplugs in and turn the iPods on full blast. So we bitch and moan about the haves and have-nots but at the end of the day I think it's just an excuse to keep the blinkers on, because we'd much rather not see the misery which we know exists around us when it's so much easier to order another cup of Chai.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
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